He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
