people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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