I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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