I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
