My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
