Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
