Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
