Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
