smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think my cat just said my name.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
