i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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