cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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