What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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