the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
