thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
