Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
