remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
