mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
