one might say we're banned from that church
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
