I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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