you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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