there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
