where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
