4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize