its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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