she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
