I think my fart just growled at me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
