I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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