I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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