I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
