They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
