I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
