My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
