All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
