she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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