I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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