you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
