You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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