I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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