No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
