Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
