He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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