Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
