The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
