So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
