everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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