Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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