If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
