please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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