I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
