my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So here I am, sexting at work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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