Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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