She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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