it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
