you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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