sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
