Whod you bang
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
