she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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