i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
