You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
