I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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