I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
